Friday, December 21, 2012

Dear John

Germantown/Louisville December 2012

  Yeah, of course things are all right.  Not sure what you saw in the post that made you think otherwise.  And I  certainly don't mean to be cryptic; as a matter of fact, I try to be the opposite.  I guess what I'm talking about is unconventional (at least in some circles) so it comes off as cryptic.

  I've just had this feeling lately that things are always more or less the same. Going back and reading previous birthday posts reinforced that idea.  Always hurried, always run down from the retail Christmas season, the same sort of cryptic avoidance (see? then I was being cryptic) to keep things from getting too personal, the same sort of vaguely pissed-off attitude.  I've been pissed off for, like, 36 years now, from about the time I got old enough not to be scared of everything.  Nothing changes, the river still looms.

  Of course, there are the things that do change: the river is a flowing.  I've lately realized that I have a much harder time hauling guitar amplifiers around.  And I have one of those goddamn CPAP breathing machines now, though I really shouldn't bitch about that too much, since I sleep much better now, and my snoring doesn't keep my wife awake anymore.  But, jesus, that has to be about the least sexy thing imaginable.  Not that I'm exactly an underwear model otherwise.

  So, yeah.  I had that year where I went on blood pressure meds, when my blood pressure was so high the doc almost checked me into the hospital.  I got bifocals the same year.  A few years down the road, I got this CPAP machine. My hair is starting to go white for real, but it's still mainly that dirtwater blonde it has been forever.  I suppose the next thing is that I'll start losing it.  I don't mind bald per se, but I've got the lumpiest goddamn head you could imagine, so I won't wear it as well as some do.  Though again, I'm not exactly George Clooney here.

  The thing though, is that a lot of people think that "nothing new" means no novelty.  I don't feel that way.  Of course, there is always novelty, even if it is the novelty of aging.  It may be different, but there are always joys to be found. Like, in some ways, there is nothing like the rush of being young and in a rock -n- roll band, but there is nothing like being fully in control of your vision when you are older & in a band.  Not to mention the fun little things, like showing up at a hipster music festival, being twice as old as almost everybody there, and still being the loudest and most obnoxious band.  Anything is cool, as long as you don't turn into Tom fucking Petty or something.  Oh, sorry, you're not a Tom Petty fan, are you?

 I mean, you can't pretend you're young and have the whole world in front of you anymore, but the experience and "wisdom" you get (some of us, at least) is a fair trade. The people who are old, bitter, and out of touch are that way because they are disconnected.  I would argue that seeing life as a river would help get around the bitterness of a life that passed you by: it's all there, all the time.  Different phase, maybe, but all there.  There are always reasons to choose anger, there are always reasons to choose depression, there are always reasons to choose joy.  May as well choose joy.

  Anyway, I do appreciate the concern, but it is unwarranted, I assure you. Hope you and the girls are doing well.  I would send you the latest recordings my band has done, but you would hate them, so I won't bother. I will, however, send you more of the solo stuff when I record some.  That's more in your wheelhouse.

  Take care, and merry Christmas.

B -

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